♥ Home Sweet Home ♥

It's our anniversary but I'm staying in room to spend my own time. It's been four days including today never meeting up. I don't know is this normal no, but I'm not used to it, I'm feeling sad right now. How should I be more understanding so that someone will noticed about me and care me? I'm not asking to take care of me everyday like a kid but no matter how independent is the gal is, she still need caring from boyfie, I bet this would agreed by every gal.

I wonder why all my friends who are in couple, they still can be lovely sweet bird all the time although they have couples year of relationship. Seriously, I'm envy them. They used to hang out for dinner, movie, shopping and used to do things together but me, alone all the time.

I wish today may have a simple dinner or hang out on our anniversary but nothing. I'm so upset and I don't know how to tell that actually I don't like this kind of feeling, it's hurt. I even hate it. I don't like ppl being cold to me. I have so much things to share with but always not the right person who beside me. And I need to get all these things done by myself when I facing difficulty. Not to say I'm not independent enought, but I wish someone who show his caring to me at least. Although I can handle myself sometimes or most of the time.

Or maybe this is my life. Maybe I need to be alone in my life although I have the other half. A little action is enough to show how you care about the person that you care. Or maybe, I'm not that important, just a human companion or maybe I'm nothing.

Well, I'm nothing. What a gift today. Thanks.

There is always an obstacle in life for endless. I don't know how to explain but is like every time when you had settled down something there is something going to happen or is happening on the other side.
Really endless man, damn it.
People can always just be lucky on what they wish to have, but I'm going to struggle for it, ain't easy.
Well, I know someone will lecture me with his own theory if he see this. I still want to tell insist.
This is the only way I can distress man. I feeling stressful for my life. Ok, I know if I telling people this, they will stare at you and question: Like this also stress ah? How do you expect you life could be in future for 3-5 years? Bla bla bla....
Ok, stop! Whatever answer you going to tell, I knew it, still I wanna to tell that I bloody stress.
I not dare to tell my parent  how stress I could be. I went for Shisha, sing k, drive myself all the way to Genting with my buddy, and more coming soon if the pressure still never let go of me.
I'm actually happy that one of the business had let go. Yes, I'm happy for that seriously. But the other side, I need to look for new job before hand over to someone.
Is easy to look for the jobs, but looking for the job that you prefer the most are always toughest. To be honest, I never looking for job before but the job look for me. The only thing I felt lucky was during I having my final exam in Degree, the job look for me and the manager asked me for an interview and straight away confirmed me as their permanent staff. What a lucky.
During that time I was fresh grad, plenty of common knowledge actually I don't even know, for e.g. you need to sign off a letter offer before you start to work. So, I worked for a year only realized about it, quite stupid right. I'm disappointed more than unhappy. I put so much of my effort on it. I even sacrificed my family day on weekend and went for work, at the end of the day I get nothing at all. I leave.
Until now, this is the first time I seeking for jobs, you might laugh at me that mid 20 person now only learn to seek for job, experience how is the interview like.
Stressful, stressful.... My sis and buddy noticed about it. They asked me not to put so high expectations and high requirement on myself. If I don't do this, it wont able to motivate myself, though. They asked me go for travel. Suddenly the idea pop out in my mind: I wanna travel alone.
Already make a promise with cousin brothers and sister we will be travelling to Taiwan end of this year. Previously someone had promised will bringing me to Japan as well, but it seem like not going to happen so forget about it although I really wish to go. And now, I feeling to travel, it's been 4 months never travel after my Singapore trip. I love to travel a lot. And I'm thinking where to go. Maybe Hua Hin or Vietnam or any other countries which suit for solo traveler.
My mind stuck currently, tiring to think about myself though. Sometime I wish to tell him about my problem but I don't know how to tell. I rather hide up myself for cry until fall sleep, or go somewhere to take a walk, or anything could relax myself that will be good.
You know what, everyone need to work and they have their own problem to settle to handle. I just try not to be a troublemaker in front of my beloved one. It seem like I'm always bringing them negative emotion. I wish to talk to someone that I could talk with or someone which could appear whenever I need someone. I don't even someone to talk to me but give me a hug will do. Hug is everything which could make me feel the love and care. I enjoy it, serious.
The people who used to close to me consoled not to push myself for so hard, this is unhealthy way. Everyone have the right to deserve the thing they want, so do I.
I'm just sick and tired of my life.